when i thought i'm strong but i wasn't.

What is love? Is this what they called love when we like someone, think bout that person day and night, each seconds till the times pass by without we realize, the only person who can we laugh and cry at the same time. If is true then, yes I am, I fall in love…no wait, I’d fallen in love for more than two years already but secretly. I keep my love and bear alone everything because I already know his heart. I love someone who loves somebody else and I wait for someone who chases someone else. He just like a little shiny stars far away in the sky, so far till I can’t reach it and just watches it from far. I found out that my life, myself isn’t the same as I used to be before I know you. I’m not, quite as perfect as it was yesterday anymore and hurts me so much. I feel torn because I betray myself many times because of him; I become the ultimate betrayal to my own self. Each time I swear, I promise to left everything behind, I will pick it back later, I CAN’T…I CAN’T DO IT! I never give up and don’t want to! I don’t want to stop loving you. Am I’m mad? Crazy maybe. And the same thing I will say to other if they turn like me, but I can’t help myself, its heart matter. No philosophy to follow, no rules can curb, no cure for the pain, no sweets can alter the bitterness I felt and nobody can change my mind and my decisions.

This quotes suite me best:

Never give up if u still wants to try

Never wipe your tears if u still wants to cry

Never settle for the answer if u still wants to know

Never say u don't love him if u can't let him go

I can lie to other bout my feeling but I know, how hard I tried and deny, I can’t lie to myself. I just fool me. I denied my feeling for him for our friendship sake. I love him and don’t want to lose him, if I can’t have him as my lover, just let me be at his side as his friend. Nothing is more painful then realizing that he meant everything to me and I meant nothing to him. Love makes me act like I’m a fools and to throw my lives away for just one happy day with him.

 

I realize now what a fool I truly was, to risk it all on a hand of love. So for this, I'm sorry. I understand if you don't want to be mates, let alone lovers, but let me tell you this. You will always have a place in my heart, from now, till the end of time. I will always love you.